Caring for children exposed to violence

Tips for parents and carers

Access to general parenting advice is important for all parents and carers, but even more so for those looking after children who have been exposed to violence. Some key things these parents and carers may find helpful to focus are listed below.

Being heard is critical

Children traumatised by violence need the opportunity to tell their story. This is an essential part of the healing process. It reduces their sense of aloneness, allows them to feel understood and gives them permission to express their pain. Most importantly, it validates their experience.

Sometimes as parents and carers we feel the need to know all the answers and to 'fix' things for our children. Often, however, the best thing we can do is simply listen to what our are saying and what they are feeling. Children traumatised by violence need you to listen without judging and show them you understand.

Positive relationships are essential

Trauma can distort children's perceptions of themselves and of others. This distortion can result in children being confused about how to relate to people. Additionally, it is extremely common for children traumatised by violence to find it hard to trust.

Parents and carers can help their children to rebuild their trust in others and learn how to positively interact with people by making sure their own interactions with their children are calm, respectful and positive. The more positive interactions and relationships children have, the more opportunity they have to recover from the negative effects of trauma.

Stability and predicatability are extremely important

Children who have been traumatised have higher levels of stress hormones which can impact on their behaviour, their ability to learn and their sense of security. For these children, routime is vital for recovery and it can help reduce the stress hormones.

To have a sense of safety and control, children need to know what to expect when and where. Predictable routimes are, therefore, very important. As children traumatised by violence often have difficulty falling asleep and can experience nightmares, a regular routime is especially important around bedtime.