Be a buddy not a bully

Lilly's story

Lilly* has just turned 6 years old and recently moved with her family to Queensland from New South Wales because of her father's new job. This meant Lilly, a prep student, had to move schools in the middle of the school term.

Lilly found it hard to make friends at her new school, she felt different from the other kids and was often on her own during recess and lunchtime. Lilly's teacher encouraged the other children to include Lilly in their games and activities but rather than including her, some of the children ridiculed her. Two girls from her class began a daily 'ritual', which they thought was funny but was terrible for Lilly. This ritual involved the girls corralling other children, then holding hands to form a group around Lilly and chanting mean things about her and running away. Inevitably, Lilly ended up in tears.

These two girls bullied Lilly everyday, isolating her from their games, 'accidentally' bumping into her and saying nasty things. Lilly became very anxious about going to school and started having nightmares. She began wetting the bed and complaining of a stomach ache each morning before school. Her parents were very worried and made an appointment to discuss the matter with Lilly's teacher and the school's welfare officer.

The school was very concerned to hear about the terrible experiences Lilly was having as a new student. The principal of the school was also very worried the incidence of bullying at the school was rising and was determined to do somethig about it.

After researching the benefits of buddy systems, the principal decided they needed The Alannah and Madeline Foundation's Better Buddies Framework to help create a more caring and respectful environment for their students, and to help reduce the incidence of bullying.

Through Better Buddies, the older students buddied up with the younger students and during formal classroom and playgound activities learnt about the importance of the values which create a caring and respectful school environment. Having an older buddy helped Lilly feel safe at school. The older students, as buddies to the prep students, were able to guide Lilly's classmates to include others in their play. They also helped the younger students understand the importance of the other Better Buddies' values: caring for others, friendliness, respect, valuing difference and responsibility.

After the implementation of Better Buddies, the bullying Lilly experienced happened only on one further occassion; and now appears to have stopped completely. Lilly now has some close friends at school, including her Grade 6 buddy. She looks forward to going to school and her stomach aches, nightmares and bedwetting have all disappeared. Lilly's parents are very relieved.

*Not her real name

Ruby's story

Ruby* was extremely shy in her first couple of years at school. She often kept to herself in the playground; she felt quite scared of the other kids. Over time Ruby made a few friends and every year her confidence grew a little more. When Ruby turned 8 her mum decided to have a party for her and invited the girls in her class. Two girls, who often teased Ruby in the playground and made others laugh at her, decided it would be funny if everyone said they were coming to Ruby's party, but then for nobody to turn up.

 The morning of Ruby's birdthday, each of the girls in her class told their parents they didn't feel well enough to go to Ruby's party or didn't want to go. One by one, the parents rang Ruby's mum, unaware that everyone else was doing the same. Ruby was devastated when nobody came and she cried all day. No one could coax her out of her bedroom and they couldn't get her to school the next day. Her parents were extremely upset. When the other parents and teachers at Ruby's school discovered what had happened, they were horrified.

After her terrible party incident, Ruby's school decided they needed The Alannah and Madeline Foundation's Better Buddies Framework to help creat a more caring and respectful environment for their students; and to help reduce the incidence of bullying. NAB kindly provided the sponsorhip to introduce the Framework into Ruby's school.

Ruby's school has had Better Buddies for four years. The students understand the importance of including others, how to show care and respcet in the playground, and what it means to value differences. Acting within these values has helped reduce negative behaviours and bullying at Ruby's school.

Ruby is now in her final year at primary school. She has become a confident girl with many friends. This year Ruby is a big buddy to a first year student. She understands that being new to a school can mean you feel small, and everything else may seem big and scary. She's doing her best to help her younger buddy settle in.

 *Not her real name